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Q. Okay I have a baby that is a few mts old and my husband was really close to her at first and now he says he can't stand to be around her. He says she is really getting to him with her crying all the time and I am having to do everything myself. Can someone plz give me advice on what to do, I had a bad experience with labor and have not fully recovered and it is hard when I have to do everything. Also any advice on how to get my hubby close to her again
Answer
I sat my hubby down and we talked about things he would be expected to do, rituals. I explained that while his love and support was wonderful, he had to have a special little "just daddy" thing he did. Bathtime was perfect. He could play with her, have toys, I didn't care if she didn't get very clean or if it took a while, the point was just to have daddy-connection time.
Other good times are like morning running time, her in a jogging stroller and going for a ride. Or Daddy's a mule time where he can carry her in a backpack and play. Or every day while you make dinner he sits on the floor and tries to play with her. It's not very easy... at first anyway, they cry and have to get used to it. But it helps build a relationship with time.
I sat my hubby down and we talked about things he would be expected to do, rituals. I explained that while his love and support was wonderful, he had to have a special little "just daddy" thing he did. Bathtime was perfect. He could play with her, have toys, I didn't care if she didn't get very clean or if it took a while, the point was just to have daddy-connection time.
Other good times are like morning running time, her in a jogging stroller and going for a ride. Or Daddy's a mule time where he can carry her in a backpack and play. Or every day while you make dinner he sits on the floor and tries to play with her. It's not very easy... at first anyway, they cry and have to get used to it. But it helps build a relationship with time.
Attachment Parents, what baby gear did you use?
Army Bride
Trying to figure out how much of this is just 'fluff'. Sorry so much is listed. If its easier you can just copy/paste the list and delete out the entries you didn't use. Also, if you have the time, please list reasons why you used or didn't use certain items. THANK YOU!! You can also add to the list if you feel the need.
Infant car seat
Convertible car seat
Basic stroller
"Snap-on" stroller frame
Jogging stroller
Play yard
Baby backpack
Front carrier
Sling or wrap carrier
Diaper bag
Activity Equipment
Swing
Bouncer/bouncy seat
Activity center
Play mat/gym
Doorway jumper
Crib
Changing table
Glider or rocker
Bassinet
Co-sleeper
Hamper
Coordinated crib bedding set
Mobile
Baby Dresser
Decorations
Baby monitor
Bottles and nipples
Highchair
Utensils
Plates and bowls
Cups and sippy cups
Burp cloths
Bottle brush
Bibs
Electric breast pump
Manual breast pump
Nursing bras
Nursing pillow
Baby towel with hood
Infant bathtub
Tub for older baby
Baby washcloths
Brush and comb
Baby nail clippers
Safety gates
Diaper pail
Diaper pail refills
Pacifiers
Humidifier
Birth announcements
Baby book or scrapbook
Answer
I don't know if I'm an attachment parent or not, but from the very little I know about AP I can safely say that I at least share similar views on most things.
These are things we use regularly, if not daily:
Infant car seat
Play yard (although not so much now that my son has outgrown the bassinet part and isn't quite mobile enough to need it again yet)
Sling or wrap carrier (this has been absolutely invaluable to us, we wouldn't want to live without at least one)
Diaper bag; admittedly a small one, and mostly just for daycare and day long trips
Crib, Bassinet; we used the bassinet for the first four months, after that he moved into the crib
Swing, Bouncer/bouncy seat; we only have a travel swing at home, but he does seem to enjoy the bouncy seat at daycare
Bottles and nipples, Bottle brush; I really wanted to breastfeed but was unable to, plus he needs to take a bottle at daycare while I'm at work
Hamper
Baby towel with hood, Baby washcloths, Infant bathtub; admittedly a regular towel would work just as well, but we got a bunch of hooded towels as gifts
Diaper pail; we use a reusable liner (cloth diapers)
Humidifier; this is really more for us than the baby, we've always had to use one during winter
Safety gates; currently being used mostly for the dogs, but I would consider these essential for any house once the baby is mobile
Pacifiers; we use these on and off, he goes through stages where he really likes them and stages where he won't take them
Baby nail clippers; probably not essential, but I do find them easier to control than regular clippers
Changing table; a lot of people say it's a waste of money, but I use mine every single day and it doubles as storage for diapers, wipes, burp rags, and blankets
Glider or rocker; again, not essential, but I LOVE mine and found it very worth the money (we bought it used for about $40)
Bibs; we didn't use them much until we started solids, but now we go through several a day.
Birth announcements, Baby book or scrapbook, Coordinated crib bedding set, Mobile; these are all just fluff, but they are things I wanted and enjoy anyway. And my son really enjoys "talking" to his mobile. We also have a soft-bristled baby brush that we do use occasionally, but if we suddenly lost it I don't think I'd worry about replacing it.
We don't have a dresser because our nursery is just too small. Instead we either hang his clothes or put them in canvas baskets on shelves in the closet.
We do have a stroller that works with the car seat. But since we have the slings we generally find it easier to use that than fight with the stroller. The sling is more maneuverable (I can go anywhere with it) and takes up no space in the car. I do anticipate using it more when our son is older and when I have more than one child. But for now it's just sitting in his closet.
I don't know if I'm an attachment parent or not, but from the very little I know about AP I can safely say that I at least share similar views on most things.
These are things we use regularly, if not daily:
Infant car seat
Play yard (although not so much now that my son has outgrown the bassinet part and isn't quite mobile enough to need it again yet)
Sling or wrap carrier (this has been absolutely invaluable to us, we wouldn't want to live without at least one)
Diaper bag; admittedly a small one, and mostly just for daycare and day long trips
Crib, Bassinet; we used the bassinet for the first four months, after that he moved into the crib
Swing, Bouncer/bouncy seat; we only have a travel swing at home, but he does seem to enjoy the bouncy seat at daycare
Bottles and nipples, Bottle brush; I really wanted to breastfeed but was unable to, plus he needs to take a bottle at daycare while I'm at work
Hamper
Baby towel with hood, Baby washcloths, Infant bathtub; admittedly a regular towel would work just as well, but we got a bunch of hooded towels as gifts
Diaper pail; we use a reusable liner (cloth diapers)
Humidifier; this is really more for us than the baby, we've always had to use one during winter
Safety gates; currently being used mostly for the dogs, but I would consider these essential for any house once the baby is mobile
Pacifiers; we use these on and off, he goes through stages where he really likes them and stages where he won't take them
Baby nail clippers; probably not essential, but I do find them easier to control than regular clippers
Changing table; a lot of people say it's a waste of money, but I use mine every single day and it doubles as storage for diapers, wipes, burp rags, and blankets
Glider or rocker; again, not essential, but I LOVE mine and found it very worth the money (we bought it used for about $40)
Bibs; we didn't use them much until we started solids, but now we go through several a day.
Birth announcements, Baby book or scrapbook, Coordinated crib bedding set, Mobile; these are all just fluff, but they are things I wanted and enjoy anyway. And my son really enjoys "talking" to his mobile. We also have a soft-bristled baby brush that we do use occasionally, but if we suddenly lost it I don't think I'd worry about replacing it.
We don't have a dresser because our nursery is just too small. Instead we either hang his clothes or put them in canvas baskets on shelves in the closet.
We do have a stroller that works with the car seat. But since we have the slings we generally find it easier to use that than fight with the stroller. The sling is more maneuverable (I can go anywhere with it) and takes up no space in the car. I do anticipate using it more when our son is older and when I have more than one child. But for now it's just sitting in his closet.
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Title Post: My husband is not close with the baby.?
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