chloe
She's a sweet adorable baby, who loves everyone. She likes to hug and kiss, and cuddle, and she's such a good baby but..
She's almost 10 months, and still wakes up every hour or two at night to nurse. She hardly sleeps all day, and when she does, I have to be next to her because she won't sleep in her crib EVER, and I don't want her to fall of the bed.
In order for her to have her solids, i have to sing dance, and tell her stories, or she won't eat.
She won't stay in her playpen for more than 3 minutes, she won't sit in her high chair, or in her crib. I have to cook, clean and eat while holding her in my arms. I guess she's teething now, because it's gotten a little worse, and I feel like pulling my hair out.
I get no sleep, no time to eat, or take care of myself at all. I have no time for anything at all, not even my poor husband, and basically everything I do, has to be done with a baby hanging from my breast.
This is my first baby. Are all babies like that?
Adrianne, I'm not asking for your sympathy, I just wanted to know if all babies are so difficult. And I know my precious little angel isn't trying to kill me. I'm joking. Relax ok!
LG, thank you so much, I never expected such wonderful and understanding words from a person that doesn't have kids. You're going to make a great father one day.
Tanya, Thank you thank you, thank you!! I checked out the link you gave me, and I thought they were talking about my baby. I feel so much better having read that it's not my fault, and I'm not spoiling her. I could just hug you, and Dr Sears!
Answer
#1 SLEEP
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Baby proof your bed, put one side against the wall and for the other side by one of the "bed rails" that just slips under the mattress. Pretty soon she will be old enough to climb on and off the bed on her own. OR babyproof her room (bolt furniture to the wall, block outlets and make sure anything plugged in cannot be unplugged.) and get a twin mattress for her floor, get rid of the crib ;-). Then she can't "fall" out of the bed in her room and you can nurse her to sleep.
Also if you cosleep at night, as I do, consider using the crib as a sidecar. Remove the drop side and attach the crib to the side of the bed, you need to make sure the mattresses remain snug together, usually you have to put some padding between the far side of the crib mattress and the bars (I use some old rolled up sheets for mattress sizes I don't have anymore -but I just can't throw out sheets *sigh*)
Also it is developmentally normal for many breastfed babies to still be waking at night to nurse. Mine was up about every 1-3 hours at the age. Less often once I was actually in bed for the night. Of course going in to nurse baby back to sleep every 90 minutes means I didn't get much done in the evenings. Frequent night waking is particularly common in babies who don't nurse well during the day because they are too busy. I have yet to see even one piece of research that suggests ANY health or developmental benefits for a baby or toddler to sleep through the night. I have seen many studies that show it is normal, reduces SIDS risk, and encourages proper brain development. It was around 14 months that my son started going 4-6 hours one stretch at night. Now at 18 months he's good for 7-8 but before that he is up every 1-2 hours (until I go to bed) and after that he is snack, snack, snack.
If the sleep arrangement either the co-sleeping or the frequency of night feedings is bothersome to you many moms have success with this book:
http://amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002-1801174-3708019?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=no+cry+sleep+solution+Pantley&Go.x=0&Go.y=0&Go=Go
#2 FOOD
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Just stop driving yourself nuts! She doesn't *need* anything except breastmilk. Until age 1 or later solids are for fun, socializing and learning. And right now she is probably having fun and learning how to train mommy but not really learning much about solids.
Offer her food, preferably real foods not baby foods that she can feed herself. And sit there and share them. If she eats she eats, if she doesn't she doesn't. Also this makes you eat healthier. Lots of fruit and veggies, limit salt and sugar. My son ate about 4-5 days per week, and only one meal between ages 10-12 months. After 12 months he started eating a lot more, probably because I got pregnant and morning sickness effected my supply.
Why safe feeding is safe and beneficial for breastfed babies
http://www.borstvoeding.com/voedselintroductie/vast_voedsel/rapley_guidelines.html#choke
http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/bf4.asp
This means that infants can go for at least a year on breast milk alone, without eating any foods, and be nutritionally complete. Offering foods between 6 and 12 months of age is simply for social development and to get infants used to eating.
Nourishing a baby (some of this page is useful, some I disagree with, worth a read though)
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/nourish-baby.html
#3 "Velcro" baby.
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Can you put her in a back-style carrier? Either a backpack or a wrap? That can allow you to cook and do the dishes.
Let her "help" fold the laundry. (I let my son throw all the socks and underwear into a basket). She can "help" sweep, dust, etc too.
Spend more time actually interacting in the morning, singing songs, games, flashcards, whatever. Sometimes if you pay upfront they are more likely to let you walk away for a few minutes ;). Also these books have some great really short exercises to break up the day (and by short I mean like 30seconds to 3 minutes). http://www.gentlerevolution.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=G&Category_Code=B4
(BTW these books are available at most bookstores, there is just a bit more info on them here. And of course reviews on amazon so you don't have to just take my word for it)
#4 Independence
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Your almost there, soon your baby will be off walking around, disassembling the humidifier, building block towers and assembling lego. Of course she'll still check in every 10 minutes if she's like my toddler (hehe unless he is in something he shouldn't be).
By meeting her needs now you really, really ARE making her more independent in the long run!
#5 Some other advice:
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Get out of the house! Go to the park for an hour every day, join mommy groups. Walk around the mall. The break is good for you and generally toddlers respond well to a little stimulation.
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html
The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.
[...]
Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/velcrochild.html
Nursing All the Time
Frequent feedings may be biologically more normal than the three-or four-hour schedule new parents expect
http://www.todaysparent.com/article.jsp?content=1266685
Straight Talk About Real Babies
Defining New-mom Expectations
http://breastfeed.com/resources/articles/expectation.htm
So I Nursed Him Every 45 Minutes
By Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq.
http://www.llli.org//NB/Law45com.html
ATTACHMENT PARENTING INDEX
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp
HIGH NEED BABIES
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050100.asp
A list of things one needs for a new baby?
Full Moon
I'm going to be a first time mom in June and I know the basics of things I will need but I still always have feelings that I might forget something that I need, as I've never done this before. Can anyone direct me to a good list of things or list some things? Thanks a lot.
Answer
babyzone.com has a list of things to buy when it comes to babies and its a fairly good list but keep in mind that all of this great stuff you buy you may bever use take your lifestyle into consideration when shoping like i never use their dresser my twins livge out of their clean laundry basketchangeing table i dont use the couch/floor/bed work greatchangeing pads are a must play pen is not nessicary untill the baby is quite a bit older 5-7 months unless you have pts who may not know how to mind their mannors bouncy seats or nice but optional swins are a must have crib is optional depending on if you want to sleep with your baby bassinets are a total waste of money the babies out grow them too quickly bath tubs are optional nice to have but not nessicaryboppy pillow for breast feeding is great but optional normal pillows work too burp rags are a must tons of blankets i recomend the fleace ones they soft and warmreciveing blankets are useless big fluffy quilts a no no they can sufocate the baby so that cute crib bumper set is best used with bumpers on the crib and the blanket a verry pretty decoration on the wall play gyms arent needed till baby is 4 months + lots of 0-3 clothes oly a few newborn sizes for pictures and the return from the hospital of course a car seat is a must if you go for the carrier/car seat its handy untill they baby reaches 20 lbs if you go for the convertable a baby carrier front strap backpack type is a must gas drops are a must name brand is mylecon but there is a generic brad for double the size half the price and works just fine baby lotion soap both have to have baby disposable wah cloths are optional but verry nice to have big fluffy towels are a must in my house the babies like them and they make it more fun for me to cuddle after bath time need more help message me by clicking my picture under contact user go to email ill answer any questions
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