baby backpack for dad image
PLBridges
I am not a parent yet, but my husband and I were discussing how we would raise our kids. Both my husband and I were sheltered as children and the first bit of freedom we got, we went crazy with it. We were wondering how parents felt about allowing their children to do things on their own.
What is the correct age to have "the talk" with a child?
What is the correct age to put your daughter on birth control?
What is the correct age to discuss drugs and alcohol with a child?
What is the correct age to allow your child to roam the mall with their friends while you are also at the mall?
What is the correct age to allow your child to go to the mall by themselves?
Would you hack/ask for the passwords for your child's email, facebook, etc?
How would you enforce curfew?
Would you drive by the place that your child is supposed to be at to make sure they were there?
Would you install a tracking system in your child's car or cell phone?
Would you search your child's backpack, purse, room, etc?
How would you distinguish the line between being overprotective and keeping your child safe?
I know that a lot of this would depend on the maturity of the child, but any thoughts would be appreciated. Feel free to add any other scenarios as desired. Thanks in advance :)
Answer
My husband and I talked about this before having children as well, so we came up with this.
1. Ongoing. Babies have never come from the 'stork' but from a mommy and daddy with our kids. By 8, mom will talk to daughter, dad with son, about some of the more details. By 14, all contraceptives will be covered.
2. The pill? Never. From a family who has higher heart-disease rates, and the pill has a warning saying it makes things worse, not to mention a lot of the other side-effects to the pill, I don't plan on ever putting my daughter on the pill. Not to mention how it's poisoning the water supply of the world. Now if you mean condoms, my kids will be taught how and where they can buy them and I'll make sure if they ever need to earn $5 to buy them I'll have chores sitting aside. But we don't plan on letting them date seriously until they're 18, so it would be a mixed message to make them available before then. We will show them where our condom drawer is and if they ever had to get one we wouldn't care if one disappeared.
3. Ongoing. Certainly before school age. By 15 I want them to know 99% of it in detail.
4. Depends on their trustworthiness. If they will meet at 5pm without fail, then I wouldn't worry about it from about 10 up.
5. Again, depends on their trustworthiness, but I'd say about 14-16. 14 is when I'd let them go to dances, so it makes sense that I'd let them go to the mall with friends without me there about then. By themselves entirely, about the time I'd be willing to allow them to drive, or about 16.
6. Depends on the age. Until about 14-16 I plan to make a family account that we all use. Then about 14 or so (depending on the child) then they can have their own, but we have their passwords. About 16, if they haven't done anything, their own passwords, but if they're caught in something then that can regress to family-account again, or to us looking again. The screen-shot security program won't ever be removed.
7. We'll see when it comes to that. I mean, with one kid it could be just telling them they're grounded is enough. With another I might have to go and find them and embarrass them/bring them home and then they'd never break. I would never lock them out though. My mom told my dad once "If we lock him out, where do you think he'll go? The streets aren't safe, and I don't want him sleeping at his girlfriend's house... better home late than not at all." So yeah, they would never be locked out.
8. Yes. I would also call, or talk to the parents that should be there.
9. It will be a family cell phone for a LONG LONG time. So yeah. More to help me find it. As far as the car, again yeah, because it's not their car but the family car and if it got stolen or if I got in an accident or something then I'd want a way to find me. When they are a new driver, I might even install a 'black box' device that would tell me how fast it was going. They would KNOW all these things are there though, because I think knowing you're being watched is a great deterrent.
10. If I felt like there was reason to. If they have drugs in the house, I'm the one who could get in trouble. However, if I found condoms, they wouldn't be in trouble. Just illegal things, y'know? I mean, coupled with this should be "what would you do if you found porn, drugs, alcohol, condoms, etc..." I actually hope to volunteer to train a drug-search dog (I've wanted to for a long time, and I'd love to work with a hound) by the time they're teens. So there's a chance that I'd plant drugs in their room and have the dog practice. :P With their permission of course.
11. This is a very fuzzy line. My plan is to get them to 18 free. No drug-alcohol-sex addictions. No relationships so serious that it will make them choose something they may regret. No children. To one person, it's very overprotective to say no porn in the house, but as someone who has seen people deal with that addiction and seen it mess up their entire lives... to me it's negligent to not care about it.
I say I want them free at 18. Free to go to the school of their choice (which means good grades.) Free to make the choices they want as far as career. Free from things tying them down or forcing them on paths that they shouldn't be forced onto. This means restrictions now until they are old enough to make those decisions, and then increasing freedom to teach them how to handle themselves, but until 18 I would feel strongly responsible if they did something that would limit their lives 10 years down the road. Until 18, I do feel like it's my watch, and I have to take responsibility and make sure they don't make those decisions and choices. That would be overprotective by some. To me... it's being a good parent.
If I'm going to their school when they're 20 and yelling at their professors and overseeing their choice of roommate, THAT is overprotective.
My husband and I talked about this before having children as well, so we came up with this.
1. Ongoing. Babies have never come from the 'stork' but from a mommy and daddy with our kids. By 8, mom will talk to daughter, dad with son, about some of the more details. By 14, all contraceptives will be covered.
2. The pill? Never. From a family who has higher heart-disease rates, and the pill has a warning saying it makes things worse, not to mention a lot of the other side-effects to the pill, I don't plan on ever putting my daughter on the pill. Not to mention how it's poisoning the water supply of the world. Now if you mean condoms, my kids will be taught how and where they can buy them and I'll make sure if they ever need to earn $5 to buy them I'll have chores sitting aside. But we don't plan on letting them date seriously until they're 18, so it would be a mixed message to make them available before then. We will show them where our condom drawer is and if they ever had to get one we wouldn't care if one disappeared.
3. Ongoing. Certainly before school age. By 15 I want them to know 99% of it in detail.
4. Depends on their trustworthiness. If they will meet at 5pm without fail, then I wouldn't worry about it from about 10 up.
5. Again, depends on their trustworthiness, but I'd say about 14-16. 14 is when I'd let them go to dances, so it makes sense that I'd let them go to the mall with friends without me there about then. By themselves entirely, about the time I'd be willing to allow them to drive, or about 16.
6. Depends on the age. Until about 14-16 I plan to make a family account that we all use. Then about 14 or so (depending on the child) then they can have their own, but we have their passwords. About 16, if they haven't done anything, their own passwords, but if they're caught in something then that can regress to family-account again, or to us looking again. The screen-shot security program won't ever be removed.
7. We'll see when it comes to that. I mean, with one kid it could be just telling them they're grounded is enough. With another I might have to go and find them and embarrass them/bring them home and then they'd never break. I would never lock them out though. My mom told my dad once "If we lock him out, where do you think he'll go? The streets aren't safe, and I don't want him sleeping at his girlfriend's house... better home late than not at all." So yeah, they would never be locked out.
8. Yes. I would also call, or talk to the parents that should be there.
9. It will be a family cell phone for a LONG LONG time. So yeah. More to help me find it. As far as the car, again yeah, because it's not their car but the family car and if it got stolen or if I got in an accident or something then I'd want a way to find me. When they are a new driver, I might even install a 'black box' device that would tell me how fast it was going. They would KNOW all these things are there though, because I think knowing you're being watched is a great deterrent.
10. If I felt like there was reason to. If they have drugs in the house, I'm the one who could get in trouble. However, if I found condoms, they wouldn't be in trouble. Just illegal things, y'know? I mean, coupled with this should be "what would you do if you found porn, drugs, alcohol, condoms, etc..." I actually hope to volunteer to train a drug-search dog (I've wanted to for a long time, and I'd love to work with a hound) by the time they're teens. So there's a chance that I'd plant drugs in their room and have the dog practice. :P With their permission of course.
11. This is a very fuzzy line. My plan is to get them to 18 free. No drug-alcohol-sex addictions. No relationships so serious that it will make them choose something they may regret. No children. To one person, it's very overprotective to say no porn in the house, but as someone who has seen people deal with that addiction and seen it mess up their entire lives... to me it's negligent to not care about it.
I say I want them free at 18. Free to go to the school of their choice (which means good grades.) Free to make the choices they want as far as career. Free from things tying them down or forcing them on paths that they shouldn't be forced onto. This means restrictions now until they are old enough to make those decisions, and then increasing freedom to teach them how to handle themselves, but until 18 I would feel strongly responsible if they did something that would limit their lives 10 years down the road. Until 18, I do feel like it's my watch, and I have to take responsibility and make sure they don't make those decisions and choices. That would be overprotective by some. To me... it's being a good parent.
If I'm going to their school when they're 20 and yelling at their professors and overseeing their choice of roommate, THAT is overprotective.
The best food/things you can buy in USA?
Penny
My dad is going to USA and I really want some stuff from there since I love it and all the things you can buy in the States but not here in my country. What's the best stuff? Like, food, candy and things...Thanks! :)
Answer
It depends but I see that people from China will buy dozens of vitamins supplements, electronic stuff from GPS navigation system to cell phones, hardware and software etc But in general, people outside USA, will buy chocolate, cookies, preserves like jams, baby stuff from strollers to baby clothes, baby playstuff, children toys (not made in china though) tennis shoes, jeans, designers t-shirts,backpacks for teenagers, designers handbags, cosmetics from lotion to wrinkle/aging products for wife and briefs, boxer shorts, odor free socks, etc for husbands. One or two older relatives may want doritos, sun chips , mixed nuts etc. I know because whenever I go back, these are some of the stuff in my shopping list.
It depends but I see that people from China will buy dozens of vitamins supplements, electronic stuff from GPS navigation system to cell phones, hardware and software etc But in general, people outside USA, will buy chocolate, cookies, preserves like jams, baby stuff from strollers to baby clothes, baby playstuff, children toys (not made in china though) tennis shoes, jeans, designers t-shirts,backpacks for teenagers, designers handbags, cosmetics from lotion to wrinkle/aging products for wife and briefs, boxer shorts, odor free socks, etc for husbands. One or two older relatives may want doritos, sun chips , mixed nuts etc. I know because whenever I go back, these are some of the stuff in my shopping list.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers
Title Post: the fine line between saftey and learning life experience?
Rating: 96% based on 987 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 96% based on 987 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
No comments:
Post a Comment